Helen Joyce has been found to be able to recognise herself in a mirror, passing a test of self-recognition generally only achieved by some humans, apes and bottlenose dolphins. 

Dr Alexandra MacLennan, a senior researcher at the Cognitive Science Society, claimed this was an unexpected but promising development that could indicate a capacity for gender critical feminists to one day attain full self-awareness.

An 8ft mirror was installed at the open bar of a book launch to which a number of prominent gender critics had been invited, with surprising results. Maya Forstater and Julie Burchill were the first to arrive as control subjects, who made the predicted error of mistaking their reflections as strangers, and attempting to engage them in circular anti-trans diatribes.

Helen Joyce, however, had previously been anaesthetised and a green ‘X’ mark painted onto her forehead. Upon arrival at the function, despite being briefly distracted by her friends conversing with their mirror images, Helen appeared to notice her reflection and made several attempts to touch the painted area of her forehead.

“This is a really significant development,” explained Dr Maclennan. “I should clarify that a colourless but otherwise chemically identical paint mark was also applied to Helen’s face, to rule out smell or other tactile sensations as the source of curiosity. But it appears she did actually understand the image she was looking at was her own.

“It is particularly surprising as mirror self-recognition – MSR as we call it – generally only appears in animals with large, complex brains, complex social lives, and known capacities for empathy and altruism. So to see this behaviour exhibited by a gender critical feminist was indeed a shocking but very welcome discovery.”

At time of press, Helen had progressed to enchantedly waving at her reflection, while Julie Burchill had become involved in an altercation with her mirror image, and was in the process of being removed by bar staff.